Why Intrinsic Motivation is Key to Lasting Wellbeing Change (And Why External Pressure Doesn’t Work)

When it comes to fostering lasting change in well-being habits, whether that’s through physical activity, nutrition, or mindfulness, it’s easy to get caught up in pushing our own version of what works. As coaches, fitness advocates, or wellbeing enthusiasts, we often promote the routines we believe in. But here’s the hard truth: simply imposing our important habits or trying to be the perfect role model rarely leads to sustainable change for the people we support.

 

The Problem with External Motivation

 

It can be tempting to believe that if we just show others the “right” way, they’ll automatically adopt the same habits. After all, these routines have worked for us, so why wouldn’t they work for everyone else? However, the deeper issue lies in the difference between external and intrinsic motivation.

 

When we push our version of wellbeing onto someone else, we may overlook the very personal nature of behavior change. People are unique, and what works for one individual may not resonate with someone else. Furthermore, the motivation behind adopting a habit often has less to do with what’s right or “perfect” and more to do with whether the habit aligns with an individual’s needs, desires, and life circumstances.

 

For example, someone might start exercising because they feel pressured to meet a certain aesthetic or because they’re striving to meet societal standards, this is extrinsic motivation. They might stick with it for a while, but the moment external validation or rewards diminish, their commitment disappears. This is why many people struggle to sustain their wellbeing habits: they’re doing it for someone else’s approval, not because they truly want to make the change.

 

Why Intrinsic Motivation Matters

 

True and lasting wellbeing doesn’t come from following someone else’s blueprint. It comes from within. Intrinsic motivation is the internal desire to engage in a behavior because it aligns with one’s personal values, interests, or long-term goals. This type of motivation is self-sustaining because it doesn’t rely on external rewards or validation.

 

In the context of physical activity, for instance, someone who exercises because they enjoy the way it makes them feel, whether that’s an emotional boost, mental clarity, or physical strength, is far more likely to stick with it. Similarly, when people make wellbeing choices based on their own values, they feel more connected to the process and empowered in their transformation. Intrinsic motivation fosters a sense of autonomy and ownership that external pressures simply can’t replicate.

 

The Issue with “Perfection” and Recognition

 

There’s another subtle issue at play: the idea that people need to be “perfect” in their habits to be worthy of recognition or success. This mindset not only contributes to external motivation but also detracts from the joy of self-discovery and the process of finding what truly resonates with an individual.

 

Many people engage in activities not because they love them, but because they’re trying to meet an ideal. They might follow a strict diet or workout regimen to fit into a particular mold or to gain social approval, rather than because they truly enjoy it or because it aligns with their own values. But when this external recognition is removed, so often is the motivation to continue.

 

As coaches, it’s essential to recognize that our role is not to push our agenda or ideals onto others. Instead, we should facilitate self-discovery. We should create an environment where individuals are encouraged to reflect on their own needs, explore what truly motivates them, and find ways to incorporate wellbeing habits that feel authentic to them.

 

How to Encourage Intrinsic Motivation for Lasting Change

 

1. Support, Don’t Push: Instead of pushing a particular routine or behavior, encourage people to experiment with what feels right for them. Let them explore different types of physical activities or dietary changes without judgment.

 

2. Align with Values: Help individuals reflect on their core values and understand how well-being habits can support these values. If someone values mental clarity, for example, they might gravitate toward mindfulness practices or yoga, while someone else who values strength might find a passion for weightlifting.

 

3. Create Space for Self-Discovery: Offer guidance, not direction. Rather than handing down a one-size-fits-all prescription for success, ask open-ended questions that help people think about their motivations, their desires, and their personal goals.

 

4. Celebrate Progress Over Perfection: Shift the focus from being perfect or attaining a specific “ideal” to celebrating small wins and progress along the way. Intrinsic motivation thrives when the focus is on personal growth rather than external validation.

 

5. Encourage Experimentation: Remind people that it’s okay to try different things. Well-being is a journey, not a destination, and the path might look different for everyone.

 

The Power of Intrinsic Motivation

 

Ultimately, long-lasting wellbeing change is not about us showing others how to be well, but about helping them discover their own path. It’s about shifting the focus from external rewards and recognition to the deeper, internal reasons that drive our behaviors. When people are motivated by their own values and desires, they’re more likely to create habits that are sustainable and meaningful. This is the foundation for lasting transformation.